Fruit of Thy Loincloth
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: "Loin-god", "Heartbender", "Gorgeous half-naked stud". Whatever you wanted to call it, that's what Sokka was. Because when you're able to go outside in the South Pole wearing nothing but a loincloth, clothes stop being much of a concern. Especially when you have a body like his. Everyone x Sokka. [CRACK]
1. Legend of the Loin-god

**Fruit of Thy Loincloth**

An _Avatar: the Last Airbender_ crack thingy

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

The South Pole is really fucking cold. And trust me, when I say cold, I _do_ mean **cold**.

Seriously, if you go outside without at least a dozen layers of clothing covering every inch of skin?

Yeah, you can probably say goodbye to whatever appendages you happen to leave exposed.

Well.

At least, if you're an _ordinary _person. But, then, not _everyone_ can be ordinary.

For better or worse.

And, well. You see.

There is _one_ certain type of individual, among the people of the Southern Water Tribe, one particular kind of _bizarrely_ gifted sod, who is completely unbothered by these frozen ass temperatures. And when I say unbothered, I don't just mean that they don't start shivering when it gets _really_ cold out. No, I mean they can and will easily go outside in nothing but their smallclothes, their _underwear_.

_In the South Pole._

The people of the Southern Water Tribe call the rare few souls born with such unnatural resilience to the cold "_Loin-gods_." This is both because these crazy fuckers will gladly walk into a blizzard wearing nothing but a loincloth and come out of it looking no worse for the wear, but_ also_ because they are said to be blessed by the Ocean Spirit with an _incomparable_ innate sexual prowess and potency, whether male or female.

Also, just to _really_ rub the salt in the wound, they tend to be naturally brilliant and athletic, born leaders and hunters and caretakers and warriors. When someone in the Southern Water Tribe is learned to be a Loin-god, the resultant celebrations can go on for _weeks_, simply because these people are _so_ highly venerated in their culture.

It was the same way for Sokka, when Chief Hakoda and his wife Kya learned that their firstborn son possessed the _Gift_.

Even with the war and the ever-looming threat of Fire Nation raids, the celebrations went on for nearly a month. Because the last time a Loin-god had been born into the Southern Water Tribe had been around the same time as the last _waterbender _had been born.

Well, that is, at least until everyone learned that Sokka's little sister, _Katara_, was _in fact_ a waterbender.

And when they did realize this?

Well, let's just say that the Southern Water Tribe, as a whole, spent more time drunk out of their minds that one year than they had for the entire previous quarter-century.

Of course, all good things must come to an end, and when the Fire Nation learned of the bitchin' kegger being held in the South Pole, they sent their finest firebending assholes to kill the Southern Water Tribe's buzz (also Sokka and Katara's mom). And, well, I think you know how things went, after that.

If you are reading this, after all, then it is certainly more than likely that you are _intimately_ familiar with _Avatar: the Last Airbender_.

And if you aren't?

_Go watch it. The entire series. Right the fuck** NOW**._

(but not the movie because the movie sucks whale testicles)

Don't worry, we'll wait.

...

...they gone?

Good.

Now that it's just us _cool_ cats, let's continue.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME?!" demanded an angry Katara, glaring at her older brother, Sokka, who was of course clad in naught but a simple white loincloth that did nothing to hide the massive bulge of his junk.

"WE'RE STRANDED ON AN ICE FLOE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, AND YOU WANT TO HAVE _SEX?!_" Sokka retorted disbelievingly. "SHOULDN'T WE BE FOCUSED ON GETTING BACK TO THE TRIBE?"

"NO!" declared Katara. "I AM HORNY, AND I WANT MY SOKKA SANDWICH _NOW!_" She swung her arms apart frustratedly, causing the iceberg behind her to begin cracking apart.

"UH, KATARA—" said Sokka, pointing worriedly at the iceberg behind his sister, which she was apparently unconsciously ragebending into pieces.

Again.

...look, she had anger issues, okay?

"NO, SOKKA!" snapped Katara, interrupting him before he could even really begin his sentence. "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME! WHY WON'T YOU EVER FUCK ME WHEN I WANT YOU TO? WHAT, YOU'LL DO IT WITH EVERYONE ELSE, BUT NOT YOUR _SISTER?!_"

She swung her hands down with the most force yet, and there was a mighty loud crash as the iceberg behind her fell into itty-bitty pieces.

Katara blinked, finally noticing what she had been doing.

"_Oops_," she said, before ducking down next to her brother as great, mighty waves began to rise and crash, kicked up by the huge ass chunks of ice that were falling into the sea.

A globe of ice popped up from the water, and they could see the silhouette of a person inside.

"Huh," said Katara. "Looks like there's someone inside that iceberg."

"YEAH," agreed Sokka, standing back up. His pecs glistened in the sunlight, and Katara could not help licking her lips as she trailed her gaze down from her brother's toned, delicious chocolate brown chest to his lean, defined abdomen, and then to his hips, and the bulge in his loincloth.

Her eyes _especially_ lingered on that last bit.

Then she blinked, realizing something.

"Say," she said. "Why are you still yelling?"

Sokka rolled his eyes at this question.

"WELL, _DUH_. IT'S BECAUSE—wait." He blinked. "Huh. I have_ no_ idea. Why _am_ I yelling? Weird."

Katara shrugged.

"Yeah," she said. "_Weird_."

A moment passed.

"...Wanna have sex on that iceberg?"

A sigh.

"Fine. If it'll shut you up."

Katara squealed happily, and she eagerly fiddled with the easy access flap in the crotch of her parka, eyeing the bulge in her brother's loincloth with a hungry gleam in her eyes.

* * *

When the iceberg shattered a few minutes later under the force of... _ahem_... Sokka's pelvic thrust, the resultant pillar of light could be seen far away on the deck of a small Fire Nation ship.

Prince Zuko, looking up at the pillar of light, had a determined glint in his eye.

"Finally," he said, his voice husky.

He turned to face the portly, wrinkled graybeard who was playing a tile version of solitaire.

"Uncle, do you realize what this means?"

The old man, the retired General Iroh, frowned a little, and when he spoke he sounded just the tiniest bit exasperated.

"I won't get to finish my game?" he ventured dryly.

Zuko appeared to resist the urge to snort.

"It means my search – it's about to come to an end."

Iroh groaned, and this time his exasperation was obvious.

"That light came from an incredibly powerful source," Zuko insisted. "It has to be him!"

"Or it's just the celestial lights," said Iroh, placing another tile down on the table. "We've been down this road before, Prince Zuko. I don't want you to get too excited over nothing. Please, sit." He held up a fine teacup. "Why don't you enjoy a cup of calming jasmine tea?" he suggested, a wide smile on his face.

Zuko exploded.

"_I don't need any calming tea!_" he snapped, before saying more lowly, more firmly. "I need to capture the Loincloth."

Iroh frowned.

"Don't you mean the_ Avatar_, Prince Zuko?"

The teen flushed bright pink.

"Er, yes," he said, sounding decidedly jumpy. "Yes, of course. That's_ exactly_ what I meant, and nothing else!" He laughed nervously. "Ha! ha! ha! I certainly didn't come all the way down to the South Pole just to get into the loincloth of some stupid sexy snow savage! Of _course_ not! Ha! ha! ha!"

Iroh shook his head and sighed.

"I always thought you and that Mai girl would have made a perfectly cute couple..." he muttered under his breath.

Zuko did not dignify this with a response.

* * *

When Aang opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was a _very_ pretty girl lying in a satisfied heap next to him. She had some strange, sticky-looking white stuff on her cheeks and the front of her parka, but he did not remark on it.

Not that Katara would have heard him. She was out for the count, sleeping as content as a babe.

The next thing that Aang noticed, however, made him all but forget the girl lying next to him. It was a man, in appearance, young and fit and in the prime of his life. And he was _gorgeous_.

Also, he was effectively naked, wearing naught but a tight white loincloth which left basically _nothing_ to the imagination. Which caused Aang to blush a _lot_ harder than it probably should have.

His heart hammering in his chest and his cheeks heating up, Aang – strangely regretful – tore his eyes from the bulging crotch of this bronzed god's loincloth, and looked up into his eyes.

And, _wow_.

What eyes they were.

If blue could be assigned a single shade, a single hue which defined its purest essence, which captured the very heart and soul of what made blue _blue_, surely it would have been this color, the color of this young man's eyes. They were bright and intelligent, pools of dark cerulean as deep as the deepest ocean, and clear as the clearest sky.

Sapphires in the earth would be shamed at the sight of this man's eyes, which were blue as blue _should_ be, blue as blue would be seen to a babe opening their eyes for the very first time. Their color was pure and vibrant, utterly and indescribably _sublime_ in how they sparked and smoldered in the antarctic sun, seeming so alive and warm in the deathly cold South.

Aang nearly swooned, finding himself lost in them.

"You okay, kid?" said the teen, and Aang realized for the first time that this gorgeous specimen of manhood was _holding him in his arms_.

The reluctant Avatar _did_ swoon, this time.

"I am _now_," he said, blushing bright pink as his heart fluttered so interestingly in his chest.

His arms were _so_ strong.

_Swoon_.

Sokka chuckled, giving Aang an appraising look.

"Yeah? Well, I suppose you're not half bad-looking yourself, kid."

Aang's cheeks were as hot as a firebender's taint at this remark.

"Uhhhh," he kinda whimpered, kinda moaned, sorta forgetting how to talk for a second or two as he inwardly gushed and squealed over how this gorgeous beefcake _thought he was cute oh-em-fucking-him!_

But then he regained his composure, after a minute of staring into those ungodly beautiful blue eyes, and he spoke.

"Call me Aang," said the Last Airbender a little lamely. "I mean, if you want. That's my name, but if you _want_ to call me kid then I guess that's okay I mean it is appropriate and I am younger than you and _wow_youhaveagorgeousbodyandIwantyouinsidemesobad," he nervously babbled.

Sokka frowned.

"What was that last part?"

Aang's blush deepened.

"Uhhhhh just that I'm an airbender and also the Avatar," he lied. In the context of the question, at least.

Sokka blinked.

"Huh," he said. "Sounds cool."

Aang swooned.

Again.

And back on his ship, Zuko found himself feeling suddenly irrationally jealous to the point of wanting to throw someone overboard. So he kicked Private Lee off of the port side and into the waters of the Antarctic.

Nobody complained, though.

Lee was an _asshole_.

* * *

A/N: What the fuck. What the fuck.

I don't even... What the hell. What the hell is this.

Er.

Well.

I mean, _aside_ from, like, the most thinly veiled excuse for endless smut _ever_. But I guess the idea really just germinated from the random thought of Sokka going everywhere in his loincloth/underwear because _why the fuck not_.

And, yes, this fic will basically probably be Sokka x _everyone_. This is not a fic for accurate characterization, meaningful plot, or even interesting twists. It's basically just Sokka as a memetic sex god.

Because.

WHY THE FUCK NOT? :D

(I _really_ should not type when I am sleep-deprived)

**Chapter added:** 9-8-13

**Edited: **9-9-13

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	2. Gāocháo shén

**Fruit of Thy Loincloth**

An _Avatar: the Last Airbender_ crack thingy

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

Now, it should be noted that, Loin-gods? They only pop up in the Water Tribe.

_Ever._

So, since the Northern Water Tribe had been closed off to the rest of the world for nearly a century, and the last _southern_ Loin-god had died fifty years ago, the people of the rest of the world had not seen one in what felt like _forever_.

This was important, because the Water Tribes were not the only ones with legends of the Loin-gods. No, although the Water Tribes were the only ones of the Four Nations to ever produce people with the _Gift_, they were far from the only ones to have experience with them, or even to revere them.

The prowess of Loin-gods was _legendary_ throughout the Four Nations. They are why the Water Tribes hold the reputation they do for sensuality and virility.

And tales of the Loin-gods had been passed down through all of the nations. Underkind and Groingodh, they were called in the Earth Kingdom, and many other cruder names also – such as Sex-lords or Fuck-kings. In the Fire Nation, the corruption "Loincloth" was common among most people, and only scholars or keepers of lore remembered the older names, _Yīnjīng dì_ and _Yīndào dì_.

Even to the Air Nomads of old, Loin-gods had been known, and by such names as Genderbares and Meat-eaters, at that, as well as the more traditional _Gāocháo shén_.

Aang, glancing furtively, shyly, at the bulge in Sokka's loincloth, could not help but wonder if that last one was particularly accurate. _Orgasm god._

A little bit of blood trickled from his nose just thinking about it.

That was when he heard a stirring on the ice beside him, heard the crunching of snow and the rustling of fur, and remembered the girl he had first seen upon awakening, only to immediately forget about in favor of gawking at the handsome, half-naked young man.

_Way to be a gentleman, Aang._

"Sokka?" the young monk heard a feminine voice say, and he turned – reluctantly tearing his gaze away from the gorgeous _Gāocháo shén_ to behold the young Water Tribe woman stirring and awakening.

He saw that the girl was smiling, and he noticed her lick a bit of that white stuff off of her lips, and why did Aang feel a tightening in his trousers as he watched her do thi...?

Oh.

_Wow._

Aang's face turned beetroot red as he suddenly realized just _what_ it was that the girl was licking up with such a pleased look on her face, and he tried and failed to keep his mind from immediately going to thoughts of _helping_ the girl clean her face, and her parka.

He blushed, feeling aroused for at least _two_ distinctly identifiable reasons.

That was when the girl spoke again.

"What happened to the iceberg?" she asked, and Aang blinked.

Iceberg?

_What _iceberg?

"Oh, it broke," said the Gāocháo shén, _Sokka_, not missing a beat.

"_Broke?_" said the girl, sounding not so much disbelieving or confused as she did simply pleasantly surprised.

Aang noticed that her cheeks were pink, though, and her eyes were focused more on Sokka's chest than his eyes. Not that he could really blame her.

The teen had some pretty _amazing_ pecs, for someone his age.

"Yeah," said Sokka, shrugging – and this caused the muscles in his upper body to do some very _interesting_ things, to the delight of both Katara and Aang. "I guess I was... a little too rough, with that last thrust." He looked sheepish, for a moment, but then his expression seemed to become concerned, and he trained those soulful blue eyes on his sister. "You okay, Katara?" he asked.

Katara.

_What a pretty name_, Aang could not help but think, and he glanced now between Sokka and Katara. He was finding both to be quite attractive to him, each in their own unique way.

Katara blushed.

"Oh, I'm much better than just _okay_, Sokka," she said, and even Aang could identify her tone as a lusty, _satisfied_ one.

He blushed, imagining Katara talking to _him_ like that.

...And then also _him_ talking to _Sokka_ like that.

That was about right when Katara finally really _registered_ the blushing, lightly clad (for a non Loin-god) lad who appeared to have swooned in her brother's arms.

"Who's he?" she asked, not sounding especially jealous of the boy.

Probably because she just recently _got some_.

Sokka glanced down at Aang.

"Who, this?" he said. "Oh, he was inside the iceberg we were doing it on. His name's Aang, apparently. Says he's an airbender, and the Avatar."

Katara blinked.

So did Aang.

"The _Avatar?_" she said, at the same time Aang blanched and yelped, "I was in an _iceberg?!_"

Sokka nodded in response to both statements.

"Yes, and _yes_," he said. "But unless Aang has some Avatar magic to fly us back to the village, I'd say we're probably gonna want to figure out how to bridge across the ice floes."

The young monk beamed.

"I can fly you there on Appa!" he exclaimed, excited at the prospect of being of some help to the dashing, half-naked tribesman.

Sokka and Katara blinked, and spoke a single word in unison.

"_Appa?_"

* * *

So, of course, Aang, Katara, and Sokka rode back to the village on Appa, Aang's currently not-so-flying bison. They introduced Aang to the village, he showed off a little to the kids, and blah blah blah you've probably seen nearly a million nigh identical permutations of this. So, to get straight to the point, let's just say that after Aang met the tribe, he got straight to work trying to impress Katara and/or Sokka.

He didn't particularly care which one he impressed – both were quite attractive, and he found that he was developing crushes on both of the siblings – but he still tried to give equal attention to both.

Sokka was fairly receptive to Aang's various tricks and stunts, once the monk explained how they also had various practical applications, and the Loin-god – as Aang had learned they called the teen – had not pushed him away or recoiled in any manner when he got _really_ up close, much closer than would have been considered polite in most places. He had even greeted a few of the airbender's jokes and japes with laughter and even a maybe-something-more-than-just-friendly pat on the bum.

The thought of that last one still sent giddy shivers up Aang's spine.

Katara, however had been marginally less open to flirting. Her attention she seemed to focus mostly on her brother, and it was only when Aang had offered to help her work on her waterbending that she started to really give him the time of day. She was pretty, though, and also more open to fun for fun's sake than her brother was.

With Sokka, _everything_ needed to have a purpose. Or so it seemed, at least.

Katara was still obviously very fond of her brother, though, and Aang was vaguely aware that most places would consider this _inappropriate_. But he didn't care, really. He liked _both_ of the Water Tribe siblings, and if he fantasized about a Katara x Aang x Sokka sandwich, well, who could really blame the guy?

Unfortunately, things kinda fell apart when he led Katara into that abandoned Fire Nation ship, where they boobied right into that booby trap and set off a flare. Sokka was NOT HAPPY, when he learned of this, and the fact that he wasn't wearing anything other than a loincloth somehow only seemed to _enhance_ how frightening he looked when he stormed up to Aang and roared that he was **_banished_** from the village.

That had stung very much, and Aang left without complaint, simply because he was too _heartbroken_ to remain behind and look into Sokka's angrily smoldering eyes.

But then.

Sokka swore when he saw the ship coming in through the fog.

_Fire Nation_.

Dammit. Why did those assholes have to keep crashing the party every time things got even _remotely_ interesting down here?

Well.

Sokka smirked darkly, eyes glinting like ice in the moonlight.

If the Fire Nation thought they could keep trampling all over the Southern Water Tribe, then they would have to severely reevaluate their priorities. He would show them the terror of a Loin-god's fury.

A warrior's wrath.

Sokka went into an igloo, and he began preparing for battle. He grabbed his club, and his boomerang – the sheath of which he would strap onto his back, the thong going diagonally across his bare chest – and called for two of the younger mothers to come in and help him prepare his war paint. He would need to cover every inch of his exposed skin, after all, and that was something that took _time_.

He would need help to get ready in time for battle.

The mothers came in, at length. Their infant children, they left in the care of their own mothers for the time being as they attended to the needs of the Chief's son, and the Loin-god. One had the largest breasts of any woman in the tribe, the clumsy Palluqtuq, and the other had maybe the finest ass in the whole South Pole (at least, aside from Sokka's own, as she insisted), the beautiful Pinga.

They were perhaps the two youngest mothers in the whole tribe, hardly any older Sokka himself. Of course, Sokka_ also_ happened to be the _father_ of both their children, but that was just another part of his duty to the tribe.

The two got down on their knees, and they began mixing and applying the war paint to Sokka's body, while Sokka did his own face.

Even with all three of them working together, it still took a while to finish painting Sokka's body (partly because he _may or may not_ have gotten a boner halfway through and temporarily distracted the two young women from their work), and by the time they finished, the Fire Nation ship was all but upon them.

But they did finish in time, and Sokka strapped the sheath of his boomerang onto his back, taking his war club in one hand and his ursine jawbone machete in the other. And thus armed, he went out to challenge the Fire Nation wearing naught but what the spirits gifted him with.

No, not even his loincloth

He was going into battle even as the Celts, or the viking berserkers, or any number of such warrior kinds. Which is to say, wearing all of jack shit, screaming bloody murder and fucking _daring_ the enemy to just _try_ and mess with him.

A surprisingly effective tactic, when you were as well endowed as he was.

But still, Sokka went out to meet the enemy head on, wearing nothing but the harness for his boomerang. And, naked as the day he was born, body painted in blues and blacks and whites and grays, he saw the person he assumed to be the enemy commander walking down the massive iron gangplank, flanked by firebender soldiers on either side.

Sokka breathed in deep the icy cold air of his home, the freezing air which did not so much as even marginally contract his formidable schlong, and he let out a bloodcurdling war cry.

Then he charged. He charged like a _motherfucking lunatic_.

When Zuko's firebender guards saw the naked, painted tribesman with a dick the size of... well, they would refuse to say, later on, because just thinking about it would invoke _powerful_ feelings of inadequacy, but needless to say it was probably _pretty fucking big_.

Nonetheless, when they saw the warrior charging at them while screaming bloody murder and howling enough for an entire pack of arctic wolves, they kinda chickened the fuck out and ran right back into the ship. Not like they really had any pride remaining anyways, once they saw that utterly humiliating mass of phallus dangling from between the teenaged warrior's legs.

Jou would later insist that the boy probably could have bludgeoned them to death with the damn thing.

(And Chang would say that you should never listen to Jou because the guy is fucking _wasted_, like, four fifths of the time, at _least_ – which would admittedly be an impressive feat, even for a career sailor)

But whatever the case, the fact of the matter was that, one minute, Zuko had firebender soldiers as back up, and the next he was on his own.

Which was honestly fine for him.

He _wanted_ some one-on-one time with the Loincloth. Because who else _could_ this be, if not that?

But.

Unfortunately for Zuko.

The prince forgot one VERY important thing about dealing with Loin-gods, and the Water Tribe in general:

If you want to fuck 'em?

_Don't_ come dressed for battle. Because, if you do, you WILL get hurt.

_Badly_.

Honestly, Zuko probably shouldn't have been surprised when the ship pulled away from shore mid-beating, leaving him stranded in the South Pole, at the mercy of the tall, muscular, strapping, _endowed_ tribesman.

Not that it really dismayed him, all that much. He would get what he came for. And what he hoped to come for, as well.

_Again and again and again._

Because, really? As far as he was concerned, prisoner of war roleplay was fine, too.

When Aang finally appeared, ostensibly to save the village from the Fire Nation menace, it was to find said menace on his hands and knees _begging_ (a very naked, painted up) Sokka to do some VERY indecent things to him, and offering to also do some very indecent things to _Sokka_, in return.

Aang blinked.

"What'd I miss?" he asked.

Sokka, looking over his should, naked as the day he was born, decided that he had sufficiently worked out his anger by giving this ash-maker a good whupping, grinned at the young Avatar, and simply said:

"Oh, I scared away an entire ship of Fire Nation raiders led by the Dragon of the West and took the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation as a prisoner after one-on-one combat. Which I _won_, by the way," he added smugly.

Zuko, eyeing Sokka's member, simply licked his lips and said.

"Oh, there's more than _one_ way to win."

Aang and Katara could not help but reluctantly nod in agreement with the teen prince's sentiment.

They would not mind being in his position, if it meant such a close up eyeful of _all that_.

**_Yum._**

* * *

A/N: I don't even know if anyone really likes this, but eh, I figured I'd update it anyways, because WHY THE FUCK NOT. Seriously, I have no idea why I continued this, or why I continue to make Sokka omnisexual and everyone Sokkasexual.

Except maybe that it's funny.

(also hot, but _sshhhh that's a secret_)

Also, maybe check out _Sokka the Avatar's Bodyguard _by FlashWally22? It's a collab, of sorts, between him and me. At least, in the sense that I have written some scenes of it and he's written the rest.

Also, Pinga is a character thought up by FlashWally22, though I helped him with Palluqtuq.

**Chapter added:** 9-9-13

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	3. Yīnjīng dì

**Fruit of Thy Loincloth**

An _Avatar: the Last Airbender_ crack thingy

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**WARNING: This chapter depicts activities of an adult nature between characters who would be minors in the real world. The author of this fic does not endorse such things being done by minors in real life, and in fact strongly discourages minors from reading this, and also from participating in any and all such activities until they are at the age of majority/consent as defined in the laws or customs of their state or principality.**

(_also this shit is complete fucking crack_)

* * *

When it came to getting his prisoner to talk, Sokka found he had a very easy time of it. Unfortunately, getting his prisoner to talk about something that didn't have to do with sex and how great it would probably feel if they had it, like, a _lot_, was borderline impossible.

Rarely had Sokka felt so _irked_ at the fact that young men and women alike tended to unfailingly lust after him. Every time he tried to threaten the prince – and what a surprise _that_ had been for him to learn – with pain or injury if he failed to tell him what he wanted to know, Zuko would simply be too busy staring at the bulge in Sokka's loincloth to say anything more coherent than

"_Hommina hommina hommina._"

or

"_Hubba hubba._"

or even, when he was more lucid:

"_I want you inside me._"

or the slightly disturbing and quite possibly oxymoronic

"_Please rape me!_"

This, of course, made it _very_ difficult to get information on Fire Nation troop movements or numbers, or even anything even remotely useful.

Honestly, Sokka was at the end of his rope. He had tried just about every trick he knew. Basically the only thing that remained would be, well, not only _unthinkable_ under just about any and all circumstances he could possibly conceive of, but also seemingly _exactly_ what his prisoner wanted. He had gotten nothing out of Zuko, and the only other thing he could think of to try would involve having sex with a captured enemy, and that was just a little too close to Wrong for Sokka to be comfortable with, even _if_ the prisoner was asking for it – and quite _literally_, at that.

Sokka was, to be perfectly honest, just about at his wit's end.

And it had only been two hours.

"Why don't we just give him what he wants?" It was Aang who had finally suggested this.

"I don't know..." This was Katara. "I'm not even sure he actually knows anything worthwhile."

"Does it matter?" said Sokka, sounding tired. "Whether he knows anything or not, he just isn't talking. We won't be getting anything out of him." He then added, a slight blush tingeing his cheeks, "Well, not anything _useful_, at any rate."

"But we should still do our best to treat him well," said Aang. "I don't really like the idea of taking somebody prisoner, but if we have to, then we should at least make him feel happy, here."

Katara scowled.

"I think we should make him _suffer_," she said a little darkly. "Don't you think so, Sokka? The Fire Nation killed our mother." Her scowl deepened. "If what he wants is sex, then that is the one thing we absolutely _cannot_ give him."

Sokka hesitantly nodded.

"I'm not sure about that reasoning," he said slowly, "but the conclusion sounds nice enough to me. Fucking a prisoner..." he shivered. "Even if he's asking for it, that's a little too close to _rape_ for my comfort. Sex is a lot of things, but it should never be a _weapon_."

"But," said Aang, "don't you think that, by refusing to have sex with him when he's _begging _you for it, you would be in _that_ way using it as a weapon?" _  
_

Sokka glowered at the young Avatar.

"What, do you WANT me to fuck him?" he said.

Aang blushed.

"W-well, I mean," he said, beginning to frantically backpedal, "maybe not if you're _that_ averse to it, but..."

Sokka shook his head, and then he spoke.

"Well, I _am_," said the teen. "But then, I'm also _not_. I mean, it's nothing personal against the guy," he said, cheeks a little rosy. "He's pretty cute, actually, once you get past the scar. So if it were under other conditions, I might not have a problem with the idea... _Maybe_ if he wasn't a prisoner..."

Zuko, who was lying hogtied in a far corner of the igloo (at least inasmuch as igloos can HAVE corners...) a few feet away from Aang, Katara, and Sokka, chose this moment to add his two cents.

"So," he said, sounding giddy as he moved himself with only a little difficulty to face directly at Sokka. "If I wasn't the enemy, you would be happy to fuck me?"

Sokka blanched, if just a little.

"Well, it's a bit more complicated than that..." he muttered, but Zuko didn't appear to hear him.

"Then what if I promised to join you guys," the prince continued, heedless of the mumblings of the object of his obsession, "and help the Avatar master the four elements?"

Sokka blinked. So did Katara and Aang.

"What?" said Katara, the first to recover. "_Seriously?_ It can't be that simple."

Zuko shrugged.

"Well, I WAS already banished from the Fire Nation by my father," he said dismissively. "Not like I really have any reason to stay loyal to it."

"Wow," said Aang, "Somehow, I feel like this should have been a lot harder, and been built up a LOT longer."

Zuko shot a lustful, longing look towards Sokka's crotch.

"Oh," he said, licking his lips a little, "I think there's something _plenty _long and hard in there already."

And the tone of voice in which the teen said this somehow managed to really get under Sokka skin, in all of the best/worst ways. He shivered a little, pleasurably, feeling the bulge in his loincloth starting to get even bigger and bulgier.

Feeling himself beginning to harden, Sokka looked straight into Zuko's eyes.

"Do you promise..." he said slowly, sounding like it was taking him some effort of will to speak evenly. "Do you _promise_ to join us and fight against the Fire Nation, and help Aang master the elements and defeat the Fire Lord?"

"Yes," said Zuko with a curt nod. "My father is a _bastard_."

Sokka gave a short grunt, before he stood up and gestured at Zuko.

"Then welcome to the team," he said. "Now get over here and give me some help with this."

Sokka tugged down his loincloth, and his massive, shapely member sprang free, causing Zuko to gasp a little.

"_Wow_," he said. "I—I almost didn't even think it could _get_ any bigger, but... but just... _wow_."

"Heh," chuckled Sokka. "That's what they all say, the first time."

* * *

**[****LEMON****]**

Zuko stared, awed, at the massive pillar of stone hard, throbbing flesh which made up the Loincloth's dick. It was by and far the absolute largest, and shapeliest, that he had ever seen, or even _imagined_.

Its length, if he had been of the mind to measure it, probably would have been something absurd, like fifteen or twenty inches, or at least Zuko would have supposed. And its girth was similarly impressive, almost frighteningly so.

Unbidden, he recalled an old term he had come across in his studies of the Loincloths, an old, clinical term that had all but passed out of use. _Yīnjīng dì_.

What an appropriate appellation for one possessed of such a magnificent member, the young prince could not help but muse.

With a gulp, eyes drinking in the sight of the Yīnjīng dì's enormous erection, Zuko took in a breath and _burned_ the ropes off of his body. Then he got onto his hands and knees, and crawled over to the Loincloth, and to the object of his deepest fantasies.

Smiling wanly, he placed a kiss on the head of the Loincloth's manhood, and his hands he placed upon the shaft. His tongue sensually, hungrily laved and tasted the sensitive foreskin while his hands, warm and calloused, worked up and down the tribesman's cock, stroking and rubbing it.

Sokka groaned happily, audibly pleased with the sensations Zuko was eliciting in his manhood, and he placed a hand on the back of the firebender's all but shorn crown. The ponytail he grasped between his fingers, and he pushed down on Zuko's head. The prince, acquiescing to the Loin-god's lustful desires, gladly took Sokka's head into his mouth.

Up and down on Sokka's dick he bobbed his head, his lips making wet, hungry smacking noises as he sucked and blew and licked and kissed. He could only fit a small portion of its length into his mouth, but even just this much was enough for him, and enough for Sokka.

Aang was watching with rapt attention, a visible tent in his own trousers. Meanwhile Katara had slipped a hand inside her dress, and it was clear that the young waterbender was masturbating, blatantly pleasuring herself to the sight of her brother being so lewdly and shamelessly sucked off by the exiled prince of the Fire Nation.

With a loud moan, Sokka came inside Zuko's mouth after several wonderful minutes, and the firebender eagerly swallowed the Loincloth's seed.

**[LEMON]**

* * *

After Sokka put his loincloth back on, and Zuko wiped his mouth, our intrepid band of bloody unlikely heroes decided to set off for the North Pole, because the plot demanded

—_I mean_, because Aang needed to master the four elements and defeat the Fire Lord. Yes. That's totally what it was. That, and nothing else.

But, anyways, plot or no, Aang, Katara, Zuko, and Sokka all flew away from the South Pole on the back of Appa, Aang's buddy.

First, they went to the Southern Air Temple, Aang's former crib.

* * *

Aang blinked.

"Huh. So everyone I ever knew or cared about is long dead, my entire people have been wiped out, and the Fire Nation is poised to take over the world."

"What?" said Katara. "You only_ just_ figured this out?"

"To be fair, I _was_ pretty deeply in denial until I saw Monk Gyatso's skeleton."

"At which point you blew up the temple," said Zuko.

"Only a little!" Aang protested. "It was just that part of it, and there was very hardly any blowing at all!"

"Yes, regrettably little," opined Katara, eyeing the crotch of her brother's loincloth. Sokka was fast asleep, peacefully, obliviously insensate in the back of Appa's saddle after rather vigorously cheering Aang up, along with the help of his sister and Zuko. (Who had then also wanted their own rides, and, well, Sokka hadn't gotten much to eat recently)

Aang blushed.

"Well, we can always fix that, when he wakes up," he said.

Katara smiled.

"I'd like that," she said, giving's Aang's hand a possibly suggestive squeeze. "I'd _really _like that."

"Where to next, though?" inquired Zuko. "It's still a very long way to the North Pole, and I don't imagine this bison can fly forever, so we'll obviously want to plan the journey pretty carefully."

"Yeah!" said Aang brightly. "I was thinking of stopping at Kyoshi Island to ride the elephant koi!"

Zuko cocked an eyebrow.

"That's an unusual euphemism," he remarked. "...though I suppose it wouldn't be too an inaccurate a nickname..."

Katara licked her lips, and she nodded in agreement.

Little did they know how _literally_ Aang meant what he said. But they were off to the Isle of Kyoshi, still, where the Kyoshi Warriors dwelt, and the next leg of the Loin-god's journey begins.

* * *

A/N: I cannot emphasize overmuch just how utterly CRACK and WTF this fic is. I mean, it's gotten all of one fav and no real feedback, so I don't even know what people think about this fic, or what it is y'all might like about this, if anything.

So maybe if people actually like this (or hate it and wish it was dead), maybe they could let me know? Like, say, in some manner of "_review_", perhaps...

**Chapter added:** 9-12-13

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	4. Underkind

**Fruit of Thy Loincloth**

An _Avatar: the Last Airbender_ crack thingy

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**WARNING: This chapter depicts activities of an adult nature between characters who would be minors in the real world. The author of this fic does not endorse such things being done by minors in real life, and in fact strongly discourages minors from reading this, and also from participating in any and all such activities until they are at the age of majority/consent as defined in the laws or customs of their state or principality.**

(_also this shit is complete fucking crack_)

* * *

Katara and Zuko really were not sure whether to be happy or disappointed when they finally realized what Aang had meant. On the one hand, they had sorely hoped to see more hot airbender on Loin-god action. On the other hand, Aang _was_ quite cute, they had to agree, in that very small swimsuit of his, water running down his lean, youthful body as he rode on the massive fish.

Plus, this meant more Sokka time for themselves, which they were _very_ happy to seize. Particularly when they saw the stiffie he was getting from watching Aang, and knew that he was enjoying the sight as much as they were.

Smiling to one another, Zuko and Katara decided to also strip down to their swimclothes, since the weather was nice for this time of year. Katara was thus left in her breast-bindings and long, wraparound under-skirt. Zuko, whereas, was left in tight trunks after the fashion that was preferred by most Fire Nation men these days.

Sokka eyed both appreciatively, between watching Aang play around, and Appa was busy gorging himself on the local plant life alongside Momo, who plucked nibbled various nuts and seeds. But Zuko and Katara were interested only in one particular pair of nuts, and the seed they produced.

Sokka shook his head with a sigh, seeing the way the two were eyeing the bulge in his loincloth.

"Don't you guys think you could at least wait for Aang to finish? I'm kinda enjoying the show..." he remarked.

Katara smirked, purring lustfully as she not-so-discreetly slipped her hand onto her brother's lap, feeling the long, hard mass throbbing beneath the snow-white fabric of his loincloth – that and the spares of which he somehow always managed to keep _fastidiously_ clean.

"So I can tell," she said, looking into his eyes with a sensual gleam of mischief in her own.

Zuko also smirked, eyes flitting briefly from Sokka's crotch to Katara's chest. While his primary interest was in the Loin-god, he had nonetheless – much like Aang – developed a certain appreciation for the body of the teen's sister, who was quite happy to act as the soft, juicy center in their hard, steamy sandwiches. Her bindings were looking a little uncomfortably tight, at the moment, and she smiled briefly up at him, perceiving where his gaze had settled.

He shrugged, though the grin did not leave his face.

"Nice view," was all he said, silently appreciative of the way he could see Katara's nipples through the fabric.

"Same here," was what she said in reply, licking her lips as she let her gaze flit down to the bulge in Zuko's trousers. While it was not half the size of Sokka's, the firebender was nonetheless very well-endowed in his own right, and Katara could certainly appreciate the muscular, toned package he came in.

Sokka simply grinned, seeing how the two were flirting, and also still watching Aang riding the elephant koi. They were all quite interested in one another, and aside from the common interest they all shared in Sokka, every member of the Gaang had plenty of fun with every other member.

Which was why Sokka was hardly surprised when Katara teasingly removed her breast-bindings, before leaning across her brother's lap to give Zuko a deep, hungry kiss.

* * *

**[LEMON]**

As Katara's lips met his, and as her tongue met his, Zuko raised his right hand to cup one of her breasts. The other, he laid upon Sokka's lap, pulling down the Loincloth's loincloth.

Sokka grunted appreciatively at the feeling of Zuko's hand on his shaft, and also at the show he was getting from the firebender and his sister. Then he hissed when he felt Katara's left hand join Zuko's, and saw her other pull down the scarred prince's trunks to rest upon the firebender's own manhood. Deciding he didn't want to be left out, he then proceeded to place a hand on either of their behinds (removing the rest of Katara's swimclothes in the process), massaging and kneading their bums.

The two moaned happily into one another's mouths, feeling their mutual obsession's hands fondling their buttocks. Their lust further aroused by the sensation, they became that much more passionate in their ministrations to one another, and to Sokka as well.

Zuko squeezed and groped Katara's modest, developing breasts at the same time that he rubbed and stroked Sokka's peerless pecker, while his tongue twined and danced with Katara's. The waterbender, in turn, gripped and caressed the members of both teens, gladly teasing them onward and upward to the point of ecstasy. And she felt another pair of hands on her body, small and deft and _very_ familiar, for how recently she had become acquainted with them. One went to her chest, to attend to the breast that Zuko neglected, while another went down to her pubic region, tickling her womanhood with remarkably nimble fingers.

She also felt something hard between her buttocks, pressing tight against her backdoor. It was in mass less than that of Zuko's, but she knew from experience that its owner was _very_ energetic and eager to please.

She smiled, casually grinding her posterior against the pelvis of the young Avatar.

"Done riding the elephant koi?" she commented playfully, pulling away just briefly from her kiss with Zuko, letting out a soft moan as she felt Aang's hands fervently worship her body.

"I saw something more _fun_ to ride," he said cheerfully, causing Katara to giggle a little, then mewl happily as he thrust himself into her. The airbender adored her even as much as he did Sokka, and he never missed a chance to demonstrate this with a loving delight that could rival even Sokka's natural skill or Zuko's passionate fervor.

"I'm glad to hear that," commented Sokka, moving his one hand from Katara's behind to Aang's, causing the Airbender to let out a soft yelp as he tightly squeezed his firm young buttocks.

And so they continued in this manner until they each came, and to beg your pardon for the use of such a cliche, but they did _indeed_ come all four of them at the exact same time.

**[LEMON]**

* * *

And even as Aang, Katara, Zuko, and Sokka all bathed in a warm, golden afterglow, they were suddenly attacked from the shadows. And naked as they were, satisfied but drained as they were, they did not even have the chance to put up a fight as they were hogtied and blindfolded.

When the Gaang came to, it was to find themselves tied to a large wooden pole, sans one _very important_ member of their group.

"WHERE'S SOKKA?!" Katara cried out moments after her blindfold was removed and she saw that Aang and Zuko were both present, but not her brother. Heedless or else uncaring of the fact that she was still quite naked, the waterbender struggled furiously against her bonds. "WHAT DID YOU WHORES DO WITH HIM?!"

Aang and Zuko were not very happy, either, when they heard this.

"_What?!_" hissed the exiled prince of the Fire Nation, spitting a bit of flame as he did so. He was still blindfolded, though that did not stop him from attempting to glare daggers at their captors._  
_

Aang, for his part, was trying _very_ hard not to go ballistic and blow Kyoshi Island to Kingdom Come. He was doing an admirable job of it, too, all things considered.

By which I of course mean that he simply went into the Avatar State, unconsciously summoning a gale that shredded their ropes and blindfolds, as well as the clothes of their captors, leaving the latter dressed only in tatters as they fell to their knees in fearful awe as the girls watched the young, naked boy float up into the air surrounded by a pillar of light, his eyes and tattoos glowing with an unmistakable light.

"Oh, _shit_..." was the thought going through the minds of every Kyoshi Warrior present as the boy glared down at them a roared with voice of Legion:

"W̧̧̛̗̮͔̟̮̙̣ͅḨ̣̬͉̗̯Ḙ̛̘̰͔̣̙͔̥͟͢R̜͖̯Ę͍̙͇̙̯̼ͅ ̪̺͓̪̼͚͈͖͓͘I͙͈̟̟̣̮͞S͎̼̭͙̹̜̲͜ ̸̙̬̹̪͙̮ͅH҉͇̬̻́E̥͚͍̤̗̟͔̭͠?҉̨͖͖͕̣!҉͡͏̼̖̯͈̗̩̦"

There was a moment of profoundly fearful silence as the girls watched this terrifying demonstration of a power they knew could only belong to one person. None of them had the guts to confront the lad, or even simply answer his question, so frozen in utter pants-shitting terror.

At last, though, after a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, it was decided who would speak, and so a busty, black-haired young Kyoshi Warrior stepped nervously forward and said

"Umm... If you're talking about the Underkind..." she said fearfully, obviously intimidated by this awesome show of power. "Well, our commander is kinda... er... '_interrogating_' him."

She said this with air-quotes, and Zuko and Katara were quick to figure out what this meant.

"Oh, that _slut!_" snapped Katara, standing up and glowering furiously at the assembled Kyoshi Warriors, who now realized that, due the winds being generated by the Avatar, they were nearly as naked as the young Water Tribeswoman herself.

"Y̟̼̘͙͕̤̹̫͡E̗͚̺͘͟A̛͚̕H̪̯̺͜͠!͏̡҉̤̪" cried Aang, in the thunderous, echoing voice of the Avatar State. "S̥͙̫̮͎͘H̘̹̥̰̫̬̺̗E̴̩͕̞̰͘͞ ҉̤͝C͚͇̻̙͎͉̘̀͝͝O͖͔͔͝͝U̸̷̲͔͍̗͙̻̪̜͕L̷̢̳̳̙̻D̛̞̳̮̦͞͡ ̱̹͉͜͜͝H͉̳̭̪͞A̢͙̺̖͍̯̻̹V̼̝̹̯̻̝E͏̧̠͓̙ ̷̧̖̬͔̰̪̣͉A͉̭͕͖̞̰͙͜T̷̷̳͓͞ ̡̻̟̠̰͙̺L̵̳̘̦̞̩̤͕̙̕͡E͎A̟̞̣̤̩̺͢͞S҉̳̖͚̰͠T̫̣̟͇͖͡ ͔͕̩͚̻_A̟̖̦̭̜͇̲͠S̸̛̳̖͠K͇̙̣͇̻̳͝͝Ȩ̶̴̭̥̱̺̱̰D̙͚̳̝̘̣͓!̷͏͈_"

Zuko nodded angrily in agreement, just as naked as the other two, in case you needed reminding, though the fire coming from his nostrils kinda distracted the Kyoshi Warriors from this fact.

* * *

At the same time, while Aang, Katara, and Zuko were making known their displeasure with recent events, the commander of the Kyoshi Warriors was having a heated, one on one session with the handsome, generously gifted Underkind.

"Oh, you're _good_," purred Suki appreciatively, eyeing the gorgeous, naked body of her captive, "But I'm _better_."

Sokka smirked at her, a wry, playful expression,

"Oh, are you?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows in a teasing, exaggerated manner.

Suki eyes widened when he made his next move.

"Oh, _my!_" she exclaimed. "I've never seen anyone do that with their...!" she trailed off, a little incapable of coherent speech at the moment, too stunned to properly form thoughts into words.

"Yeah," said Sokka smugly. "My dad taught me that trick, back before he left for the war."

Suki hummed appreciatively.

"Well, give him my thanks," she said, smiling foxily, "the next time you see him."

"I'll see what I can do," replied Sokka with a smirk. "But you should do something about that endurance of yours, Suki. You're folding a little too easily, here."

The commander blushed, faintly, beneath the makeup of her order.

"Ah, but there is wisdom to be found," she said lowly, suggestively, "in knowing where to stand firm, and also where to..." She paused, licking her lips, before she continued. "..._yield_."

Sokka chuckled, pressing the assault.

"Perhaps," he said, pushing easily through her defenses. "But I also like to be the one _taking_ the beating, now and then."

Suki purred, eyeing him with interest.

"_Really?_" she said, making her move next, pulling close around his probing member. "That's a surprise. You hardly_ look_ the type."

"Yeah," said Sokka, sending a feeler up around her tight flank. "It surprised Zuko, too. I guess he figured me as the type to prefer being on the top, but..." He gave Suki a suggestive smirk. "...I like being put on the defensive, too."

"Mm, but you really _are_ just **so** good at what you're doing," remarked Suki, making her move to pin him down beneath her.

"Ah, but who says I can't do it from the bottom, too?" Sokka casually replied, effortlessly maneuvering out of her lock to strike at her core.

"Oh!" Suki gasped, eyes wide. "You just took my flower!"

Sokka gave her a wry look.

"Gee," he remarked, looking up from the Pai Sho board, where he had the commander's white lotus tile held in check and mate. "It sounds awfully _dirty_ when you put it like that."

Suki blushed.

"Well, it's hard _not_ to have my mind immediately go there," she mumbled defensively, "considering how I can see that you are completely naked on the other side of that board. It's very distracting."

Sokka smirked.

"_Distracting?_" He chuckled, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Darling, you haven't even seen me at_ full mast_, yet."

Suki's blushed deepened, and her eyes flicked down to his lower half, where his little (or _not-so-little_) warrior was lounging quite _shamelessly_ in the buff.

She licked her lips.

"Oh?" she said, shifting her position opposite Sokka. "Then maybe you could _show_ me..." she whispered suggestively, eyes sensually half-lidded as she leaned just a little bit over the Pai Sho board.

"Maybe," said Sokka, smiling. "But I think we should probably go back and check up on my friends. I don't imagine they could be very _happy_ with my disappearance."

Suki pouted just the tiniest bit.

"Can't it wait?" she asked petulantly, looking and sounding rather like a child who had just been denied dessert.

Sokka glanced out the open window of Suki's house down to the village below, where he could see a brilliant pillar of light stretching from heaven to earth.

"No," he said. "Probably not."

* * *

A/N: So it seems there are actually people who are enjoying the crazy shit I'm doing with this. Who'da thunk it? Here's an update specially for them. :D

**Chapter added:** 9-19-13

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


End file.
